My Obsession with the Egg

One of the meanings of obsession is "A compulsive, often unreasonable idea or emotion". I don't know if that is true in this case. It's left to the readers to judge.

It's probably the cheapest form of nutricious blob. On the day I'm blogging this, a dozen eggs cost Rs. 21 in the retail market. That's Rs. 1.75 an egg. (For those of you who do not live in India or do not wish to check out the conversion rates, it's roughly $ 0.04 an egg. I'll bet, you won't get eggs for that cheap in US). However the canteen guys (here in Kharagpur) do take their charges a bit more seriously. Consider this - a cooked egg costs Rs 3 - Rs 5, which is like 71.4% - 185.7% increment on the cost of the raw egg. Funny, isn't it?? NO!!! That's highly suspicious.

For those of you who don't like mathematics, there's a good news - I'll not show any more Profit / Loss stuff. May God bless you.

The Egg Nutrition Centre has this to offer [Click Here] in context with EGG Trivia which in my opinion is totally S%#t. My obsession forced me to Google and this is what I found. An egg song [Click Here]. "Come into my tummy, oh so very yummy...", how thoughtful lyrics can be!!! This even puts amateur bands to shame.

Do you think this is the end? No. I always almost can't finish my course without atleast one double poach. I have atleast 2 eggs a day and in many cases it increases to 6 or 8. My mom would have killed me if she knew that? But isn't that an irony.

Top 10 Evils and Why they Suck

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A Hungry Man is an Angry Man

As always, it is advisable to start off any controversial topic with a clear-cut point of attack so that I, the author, am on the safer side as compared to the attacker, who is willing to do almost anything to pull me and my arguments down.


Let's Define Anger @#!$%^&

Anger can be defined as a strong feeling of displeasure or hostility. But this definition leaves a lot of loopholes for the unknown attacker. So I'd like to define it in some other format.
ANGER = 01000001 01001110 01000111 01000101 01010010. This is the most foolproof way of defining a word and even the electronic gadgets will be able to tell that what I said was ANGER. For the lesser informed Homo sapiens, the above representation is the binary 8-bit representation of the word ANGER approved by American Standard Code for Information Interchange ( I am quiet sure that even certain Computer geeks won't find it familiar, It's ASCII, you fools !!!!)


"It's my Anger, So What the F$%K"

You've got a big point my friend. But what you need to realize is that it's your anger that has driven me to replace some of the letters with symbols no one cares to read through because of their very inability to pronounce them. I can assure you my friend that 87 out of 100 men(or women) will be willing to mute and replace your valuable English alphabets with a sybol of their choice. If you are so thick-headed to understand, I'll explain. Imagine you say a word "asshole". Now I, as a writer have got only the following signs to use !,@,#,$,%,^,&,*,~ as a replacement of the letters. 9 signs used as a replacement of 7 lettered word can be at max 9⁷. So I have actually 4782969 choices... 4782969 F@#King choices. Why the hell do you want to give so much trouble to a writer.

I am Hungry (in Chinese)

Hunger is the √(Almost all Evil)

If you are a dumbass then the above line says "Hunger is the root of almost all Evil". Why would I go forward to make such a bold statement after all? Am I incredibly stupid? (I'm quiet sure the reader thinks I am) or am I just being Sauvik?

• Hunger is a primarily a strong desire or need for food. The desire triggers certain chemicals in your body which gives your pre-programmed brain a sensation which by experience you have known that can be only be curbed down by consumption of food. This method of learning is known a adaptive learning. Your adaptive learning also taught you that you parents will supply food if you show some anger. (Research has shown that anger shown need not be of the true nature, an artificial/prototype anger does the work pretty well).
• Anger is a quantity which gets accumulated in the neurons and often add up to certain outbursts which brings back the anger-o-meter to normal level. But this phenomenon only holds for active angers. As you grow old, if you are ever deprived of food, the anger you build up often gets stored in the passive section and outbursts are renderd as useless devices under that condition.
• Relentless build-up of passive anger often leads to clumsy situations which debarrs a man from proper usage of logic and reason and often leads to ill-wishing the person responsible for the current built-up of anger. This actually sets the mindset of the person in anger to harm himself as well as the person in question.
• The evils that are sown as a result of the seeds of anger are countless and I would not be mad enough to fill my pages with no souls of sanctity.
• Give the evil doer some food. In most cases you'lll find that the food is able to distract him from doing his evil job at that time. The quality of food you might have to offer to stop the person from doing evil differs and is a function of the status of living of the person, the time elapsed since the person had his last meal, and the degree of evil which he intends to do.

I am quiet aware of the fact that Greed is an evil but who the hell cares. I don't give a damn. My theory works.. I say it bloody works and you should not question my authorataaa!!!

I am hungry right now and I want to eat something and if you try to stop me from ingesting food, I'll make sure that you p@%s on your a^@%%$ and se#&^%#!^e the f$%k out of !^%$@@&& !!!

Frustrated Troubles and Troubled Frustrations

Today I am frustrated, I don't know why. So, I'm going to trouble you. Oh, yes I'm talking to you. Here's a "short" write-up about the deep rooted relationships that exist between "frustration" and "trouble".

a) The Viscious Cycle :
Trouble when recieved as a gift can be deadly. They do not come with any statutory warning - "Trouble is injurious to health". As the burden of trouble actually increases, the frustration increases in a proportionate manner. However the curve followed is generally analogous to the stress-strain curve and there exists a finite point at which a person experiences structural failure. This phenomenon can be clearly identified as it encompanies dizziness, reduction of hunger, mild to severe headache, escapism, etc. All of these lead to more trouble and finally causes an incremental feedback loop thus propelling further frustration.

b) The Vanquishment Cycle :
Defeat does not come for free. It accompanies frustration. And frustration, again like trouble, never comes with any statutory warning. Frustration often leads to inhibition of thought, the diminution of clarity, increase in fatigue, etc. All of these symptoms and syndromes lead to sserious mental and physical problems which in other words mean trouble. And by the virtue of the Theory of Viscious Cycle, the proposition that trouble will lead to frustration, stands true, which in turn ascertains the truth of the Vanquishment Cycle.

c) The Volatility Cycle :
Volatility stands for the vapourization of agility of the mankind. Frustration leads to decrease in agility, which in turn spells trouble and finally we obtain frustration again. It must be noted that Volatility Cycle is different from Viscious Cycle in many ways and should not be confused for each other at any cost.

d) The Venomous Cycle :
This Cycle is one of the famous discoveries of the early 60s. The female of this species started to grow a consciousness of their own and called upon trouble on the male of this species. (N.B. : This is just a research work and doesn't supply enough conditions to prove that I'm an anti-feminine geek). This leads to trouble and frustration at the same time and any inter conversion between them is fruitless as these two things survive in equilibrium with each other.

Conclusion :
The four Cycles prove the fact that frustration and trouble are interconvertable and one is the other form of the other. It is a hard fact that very few people can master the method of pulling themselves out of any of these cycles. The only way to escape from both of these ill-labled pathogens is to write something like this.... Man! I feel better.

If BLACKouts Didn't Speak of Apartheid, Decomposed Food Will

Let this picture speak out for me...



[Click Here] for a clearer view of that picture.

Got the point huh!!!
I hate those mess food guys

Of Mess Food and Indigestion

01 : The Dictionary Entry

mess (mĕs)
n.

1. A disorderly or dirty accumulation, heap, or jumble: left a mess in the yard.
2. 1. A cluttered, untidy, usually dirty condition: The kitchen was a mess.
   2. A confused, troubling, or embarrassing condition; a muddle: With divorce and bankruptcy proceedings pending, his personal life was in a mess.
   3. One that is in such a condition: clothes that were a mess after painting the ceiling; made a mess of their marriage.
3. 1. An amount of food, as for a meal, course, or dish: cooked up a mess of fish.
   2. A serving of soft, semiliquid food: a mess of porridge.
4. 1. A group of people, usually soldiers or sailors, who regularly eat meals together.
   2. Food or a meal served to such a group: took mess with the enlistees.
   3. A mess hall.

02 : The Context

As many of you, who are well aware of the strange language called English, the above excerpt from the dictionary shows the various uses of the word mess in its noun form. I just didn't wish to make that list any longer by incorporating the verbs and the phrasals.
In this article I'll be focussing myself, without the use of any convex lens, on the fourth point stated above. In our hostel/hall of residence, we have a strange place called a mess and surprisingly it generates so much aura via its grandiosity that people do not hesitate to avoid it altogether provided they are not so hard on cash.
For those belonging to the group of lesser intelligent human beings, let me give you an example : Our mess offers four meals a day - the breakfast, the lunch, the evening snacks and the dinner. In the entire last week my mess visit counter showed me that I had only 5 meals out of 26 meals that were offered in the mess. (No, I'm not poor in mathematics, I know 7x4=28 but we have our mess off on Saturday evenings and hence no snacks or dinner on that day.)
The most surprising part is that the newcomers find our mess food so delicious, so toothsome that it sometimes makes me wonder what kind of alimentary canal do these guys own. But then I think of myself and realise that it's no just them but even when I was a newcomer, I enjoyed the food very much.
This led to a quest to unveil the magic of the delicacy known as mess food.


03 : The Consequences of the Ingestion of Mess Food

Here are some of the weird consequences I had to face after I had taken enough of that mess food.

1. I realised that my alimentary canal got screwed big time and I wasn't able to digest food other than those belonging to the genre of mess food
2. The food is so repulsive that I find it hard to differentiate between the goodness of a roadside dhaba (a place where one can have meal at a very cheap price) and the greatness of a restaurant cuisine.
3. One fine morning I decide to have breakfast and I end up pushing a half-cooked dhosa (a South Indian dish) through my oesophagus, down into my gut. Halfway through the class, I had to actually ask the instructor to let me return to my hostel room. So I learned a very good lesson - Half-cooked dhosa leads to half-attended lectures and full-cooked dhosa leads to full-attended lectures.
4. I often fell so frustrated that I listen to death metal bands. Frankly, I cant distinguish the sounds that those bands make and the sounds that my gut makes after I have had a nice meal in the mess - God forbid!
5. I started developing a keen interest in subjects that don't make sense after I had a crush on mess food. I feel that Chewbacca Defence is better than Cheerleader Defence and that all species with 23 pairs of chromosomes should have the right to exercise any of them in order to defend themselves and that doesn't make any sense.
6. I started spending too much on food these days. The amount spent is so large that my father was worried about me suspecting I started taking drugs.
7. I don't curse people these days by saying 'f**k you' but I actually use 'Let mess food bless your taste buds'.
   
8. I feel that the terrible grammer and spelling sense that I developed and that is on display in the last two posts can be actually attributed to the ingestion of mess food. I also have a very strong feeling about the fact that my sense of humour has been influenced a lot by this genre of delicious cuisine.

Isn't that a problem grave enough? Don't I have the right to choose what goes into my stomach? Why is it that these guys always take advantage of our meek, submissive stomach? Why is it that we have to face the revolt that out stomachs declare against us?


04 : Data Acquisition and ANALysis

"What goes in must come out" - so says the old man.

So I finally took the sword and went out for a quest to unveil the mysteries of the ancient delicacy known to the human species as mess food.

• The mess is in its true form a mess. A factor that ascertains the existence of the 1st definition of the word in the 4th definition. Very few words can have such intra-linked definition.
• It lacks both the infrastructure and the ultrastucture, thereby forcing the mess workers to rely on obsolete methods to prepare cuisines. This actually leads to inaccuracy, in other words half-cooked dhosas and over burnt rotis (Indian bread made of wheat sans yeast).
• The mess workers are more keen on taking as much food as possible so that their wives don't have to spend much time in the kitchen. This ensures two things - a. Safety issues are taken care of; the husband a.k.a. the mess worker is at a lesser risk from being injured by flying pots and pans and b. Personal issues are taken care of; the husband doesn't have to rely on imported erotic media to enjoy an orgasm.
• The poor service delivered actually leads to less demand of food. Lesser demand ensures lesser consumption and which eventually leads to lesser production. With not much to do, the workers enjoy themselves with a bidi (The classic uncut Indian tobacco rolled in sal leaves) and have a nice gossip about the status and progress (I beg the reader not to take that word in its literal sense) of the political mechanism that exists in this place.
• The mess manager has nothing to do. Due to the consumption level, he is happy keeping an eye on the entries of the 'extras' book which gets filled everytime a person takes a mango drink or a chocolate from the refrigerator after he has been 'disillusified' by the food being offered.
• The food contains a generous amount of oil. An extensive research has shown that the maximum amount of false increase of price can be shown on the drums of oil, which paves the way for our very own manager to own an E class car.
  
• The guy on the mess duty looks on helplessly wishing he had the option to study something at that very point of time!!!
  

05 : The Postscript, the Aftword and the Epilogue

It's hard to watch poor people starving on the streets, begging for money. But it's even harder to watch a guy whose poor stomach has been infested by the demons of mess food. I wish the poor stays the same and starve to death than offer them mess food for free. I believe I'm being kind.
God save us!!!

Sometimes One Needs to Wonder Why Is He Wondering

I wonder... why
the grass is sharp,
the sharp lamina is called a blade,
the blades of war are used in showcases,
the showcases cast a free show of vanity with every case considered.
the case considered has been confiscated by your opponents lawyer,
the opponent lawer is smarter than mine.

I wonder... how
I found my lost pen,
the pen has such viscious markings on it,
the markings of rust never wear off,
the vest I never wear has no pockets in it,
the pocketes of pool has no water in it.

I wonder... when
I'll correct my bad Engleesh grammer and spelings.

Volume One : The Greatest Hits

Ever wondered why the blog has been named so..... If you did wonder then I might ask you when? As a matter of fact there are thousand and one people who do the same. Do what is not required or is not wanted or has no significant impact on the rotational speed of this earth (for example you might be so impressed by reading this that you might post a comment).
Today I saw this top-notch blog which said
"Things I hate about my Flatmate : In this blog, I intend to list one event per day that my flatmate does to piss me off"
What if her flatmate does two things on the same day? What if "one item" a day doesn't ever make a "list"? What if the subtitle never existed? What if the intention never matches the deeds and we get a type mismatch.... which might eventually change the rotational speed of earth.

Didn't get it dude? If you couldn't interpret this bunch of statements, I wonder how will those guys feel when they sit to decrypt the cryptographs of Shakespear.

And by the way, is it always nessessssery to write that annoying sub-heading that says "The Warrior Within the Warrior" in that reCURSEive game called Prinsopher See Ya!!!