10. Take a friend with you and pay a visit to another friend's house. Chances of his wife (or mother) bringing you both food increases. Going alone diminishes the chance by 60% while going in a huge group will scare everyone. In my school days, I had a friend to accompany me and we had set targets.
09. Dress up well and pay a visit to the nearest marriage reception party. Chances of someone recognizing you is 0%. However chances of the party actually turning out to be a silver jubilee anniversary party is around 20%.
08. Gather up some photocopies of old journal papers, a scribble pad and a defunct ball point pen. Walk into the latest seminar on "____________" and there is an 80% chance of getting some free food there.
07. Join focus groups. You may have to fill up questionnaires and answer weird, irrelevant questions but it's worth the pain for free food. From a more personal note, the food often is exceptionally good.
06. This is a classical method. Carry a large currency note with you and take someone else. Eat at small stores / shops. Chances of the owner keeping a change for such a large currency is pretty less. This celebrated failsafe method was invented in the early 19th century.
05. This is a variant of the above method especially suited if you eat in large groups. For small expeditures, ask someone else to pay for the time being and promise that you'll pay for him somewhere else. You can always have amnesia, right?
04. Get into a small dhaba with 10 goons, some cheap guns and rusted knives. Eat and leave without paying. A vulgar display of 18th century ammunition will do. I do not explicitely like this method but bollywood has made me feel it's very easy. Chances of running into fatal trouble is quite high.
03. Whenever you have a chance to congratulate somebody for his achievements, Say "congratulations" and make it a point / habit to follow it up with another dreadful monosyllabic word - "treat". A particular girl in our college has mastered this art and I keep hearing stories about her.
02. Wear a pair of roller skates and get ready at around 50 m away from a certain fast food corner. As soon as you find a 'bakra' (scapegoat), go full throttle and snatch it. This trick has been mastered exceptionally well by thugs of bollywood, and the blackboot gang. Make sure that there is a narrow lane to turn into so that no one can follow you around.
01. Dress up well, carry a fake ID and an expensive briefcase and rush into a mediocre restaurant. Tell them that you are the food inspector. Chances of good food and good service 100%.
